I thought I had a great idea the other day, thought it was Holy Spirit guided (which it may still be just not in the direction I thought). But when I told Dirt about it, to see what he thought, to get his approval, he reeled me in. He squashed it like a slug.
My idea was that I would share my gardens with those in the "neighborhood" who are experiencing hard times and don't have the resources to get themselves through these national, global hard times. They would come here and garden with me, grow some food for themselves and learn gardening techniques that they could use for a lifetime.
When I tried to defend the idea when it appeared to be tanking with him, that doing this idea would help me stay on track, be a better producer myself, he really put the brakes on. He cautioned against using a commitment with other people to make a change in my life that I should make just because it is the right thing to do.
Ugh. He is right. I used to do incredible gardens, and except for things that do not grow here, our dinner tables nearly year around came from my garden's produce. I even used to grow my own dry beans. But I have not done so in recent years. I start in the spring with good intentions and then I let things derail me and all I have come up with are some mediocre gardens.
So no commitments this year. No promising people something I am not positive I can deliver, no matter how noble the idea. No using people to motivate me to get to where I know I can and should be.
He did not discourage me from purposely planting more than I know we can use. And then giving my extra produce to those who may need some help. But he cautioned me, and I am taking that caution, against stuffing the whole carrot in my mouth all at once. Especially with someone else involved.
And I guess in someway I am disappointed that I won't be getting the do-gooder award this year, darn. Darn Dirt for holding me back. Not really. I am very thankful that I have such a thoughtful husband who can see to my very core. Knows what I am capable of but also what my failings are. I am thankful that he has become a gentle guiding force in my life, guiding me against foolishness, pride and using people under the guise of benefiting them. Using people for myself, my reward. Well my little inner pharisee has been exposed and that is not a pleasant feeling at all.
I am headed outside to work off my feelings of embarrassment and residual disappointment.
Oh by the way, Bet is back to blogging, her paddle is back in the water. Go see her here Paddle_In_the_Pond its a quick read, she is not nearly as yakky as her mommy.