It is a delight to be the spouse of a hard working, joy-filled, dedicated man.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Disappointment of Sorts

I thought I had a great idea the other day, thought it was Holy Spirit guided (which it may still be just not in the direction I thought). But when I told Dirt about it, to see what he thought, to get his approval, he reeled me in. He squashed it like a slug.

My idea was that I would share my gardens with those in the "neighborhood" who are experiencing hard times and don't have the resources to get themselves through these national, global hard times. They would come here and garden with me, grow some food for themselves and learn gardening techniques that they could use for a lifetime.

When I tried to defend the idea when it appeared to be tanking with him, that doing this idea would help me stay on track, be a better producer myself, he really put the brakes on. He cautioned against using a commitment with other people to make a change in my life that I should make just because it is the right thing to do.

Ugh. He is right. I used to do incredible gardens, and except for things that do not grow here, our dinner tables nearly year around came from my garden's produce. I even used to grow my own dry beans. But I have not done so in recent years. I start in the spring with good intentions and then I let things derail me and all I have come up with are some mediocre gardens.

So no commitments this year. No promising people something I am not positive I can deliver, no matter how noble the idea. No using people to motivate me to get to where I know I can and should be.

He did not discourage me from purposely planting more than I know we can use. And then giving my extra produce to those who may need some help. But he cautioned me, and I am taking that caution, against stuffing the whole carrot in my mouth all at once. Especially with someone else involved.

And I guess in someway I am disappointed that I won't be getting the do-gooder award this year, darn. Darn Dirt for holding me back. Not really. I am very thankful that I have such a thoughtful husband who can see to my very core. Knows what I am capable of but also what my failings are. I am thankful that he has become a gentle guiding force in my life, guiding me against foolishness, pride and using people under the guise of benefiting them. Using people for myself, my reward. Well my little inner pharisee has been exposed and that is not a pleasant feeling at all.

I am headed outside to work off my feelings of embarrassment and residual disappointment.

Oh by the way, Bet is back to blogging, her paddle is back in the water. Go see her here Paddle_In_the_Pond its a quick read, she is not nearly as yakky as her mommy.


Cliff said...

We have big gardens as well. It's pretty funny that if we have a lot of does everyone else. This year we couldn't give tomatoes away. Good year for them here abouts.
Nice thoughts tho.

Daisy said...

Lanny, you have a kind and generous heart. I don't think you are selfish at all or using others as benefit to yourself. There is no need for disappointment for a change in plans. Sometimes it does help to have a loved one give us guidance on things we may not realize all the sides of it, I guess. It helps to have someone we can trust to bounce ideas off of.

NaNcY said...

i started a new garden last summer, because i was told to.
it was early one morning in the spring upon awaking that i was told. and i can not explain it...i just figure i was told. some people that my husband knows ended up helping. my neighbor was the one that tilled the grass into a garden. some helped more than others. we started to meet at our house once a week to have a potluck so i got to know them all better. the garden turned out to be a place that i really liked, others helped get it going, we all got food from it, and then they all got tired of it. but, through it all God spoke some good words to me while working in the garden. i am still not sure exactly why God wanted me to start the garden, but it is still there. i put a cover crop on it for the rainy winter months because the soil needs help, big time. it is mainly clay. oh but, the cosmos and the zinnias were beautiful!

KathyB. said...

How did you get THREE new posts done and here I thought I was keeping up !A lot of news!

I got the message about the kittens and the good news about the calico, and here I read your blog and get to see the little cuties ! Congratulations!

What bummers our husbands can be some times. As Ciscoe Morris says, they put the "Kabash" on so many wonderful plans and ideas...and I agree with Dirt ( and my Hubby) if it is a good idea we should do it without needing to obligate ourselves to someone else...

And your planting, you did get a lot done this week !

So, I guess we will really see a magnificent pumpkin patch from the highway next year ?

And, are you sure that is not MY calico kitten ?

Captain's Wife said...

Lanny, what a sweet idea about the shared gardening. You have a beautiful heart! Actually, you sound a lot like me. Always trying to find a way to combine what I love with helping others in a way that seems to matter. But I also think that just doing what we do DOES helps others. Maybe not in the way we intend or think it should. Perhaps you aren't feeding bellys, but you are feeding souls. Seeing your gardens, reading about them and your experiences on your blog, those things can be very soothing and helpful. And even though it may not seem to be as important as feeding bellys, feeding one's Spirit is just as important. Especially in this day and age. Not to mention, if doing those things sooths your own soul, that has a positive impact on those around you and thus the world. That is what I think anyway. For what its worth! :)