Ugh, no more God, can't there be something that is not wrong with me, some avenue that I travel correctly? Just one look at the title of Chapter Three in Book One http://www.carmelite.com/saints/john/works/dn_4.htm last night and I couldn't take it. I closed it instead of reading on and just decided to cry and pray instead.
I am well aware of the term avarice, it is greed, correct? And man I know I am greedy in the spiritual sense. My current walk is never good enough, I want more, I want to go deeper. So I guess I am curious how spiritual avarice can be a bad thing.
I try not to hunger for God's favors, as Teresa of Avila calls certain spiritual experiences, but they most certainly propel me. They assure me that God is there when I feel as if I am crazy for thinking that there is even a God. Being able to look back on the favors God has bestowed on both Dirt and I, I thought was helping me to rely on him.
I realize that Dirt and I are weak, well maybe I should just be speaking for myself here, and that we may need those things to comfort us on the direction we head into, but I had no idea that it was a bad thing. Just that God knows I am certainly not all that. I take Teresa's advice and see them as helps when I am weak, so I know it is a sign of weakness. Much like not having any great tribulations in my life to get over, my life is pretty stinking breezy, a clear sign that God knows I can't handle much.
I will get to this chapter later today, right now the girls have to go over to Terry's to sit with Grandpa Lou. Terry needs to go to K&S for some tack and I am going along to get a few things for our new companions