It is a delight to be the spouse of a hard working, joy-filled, dedicated man.



Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Some Things on My Mind

I want to dance like the girls on the Target commercial, the two girls setting up their dorm room. I've thought this more than just once. I really want to dance like that.

But really, I have a question for you, dear reader.

Lets say, you were in the habit of giving lovely gifts to friends and family. The people you give gifts to know that you always give pretty stinkin good gifts. Lets say though, that you come to a party and have gifts for many of the people there.

However, this one couple or individual says to you, "No, I (or, we, as the case may be) really am not into your gift right now. I (we) have a lot of things already and I'm (we're) not sure what we would do with any more gifts"

You're kinda stunned but you re-offer your gift. But they continue in their blowing you off. (I know, you're shocked that someone could behave this way! But really it has happened and I want to know what you think.)

So after the get together, you pack up your stuff and the present that didn't get given. You continue to have a nice friendship with this person (these people). Every time they talk to you or see you they act as if nothing awkward has occured, so for now, you don't mention it.

But then out of the blue, they call you and ask if you could give them the gift.

"What the heck?!?" You think to yourself: "And what was wrong with just taking it when I had it to give? They think I just have it sitting around my house and now I'm going to run right over and give it to them. They know how I like to wrap gifts and that I feel the wrapping it is part of the gift. But now they expect that the present is still looking good after being shuffled from room to room?

"Okay fine, I'll give them the present no matter what. It was a gift to them after all." You say to yourself choking down your pride.

So you go over and you give them the present. They get all excited and thank you profusely and tell everyone about it. You smile sweetly and are happy they are happy.

But then a couple of years later nearly the same thing happens. And since the first incident, you find out that they have criticized the first present to all your friends. And you see for yourself that they haven't taken very good care of it.

Now I know we are supposed to just give gifts and not attach strings to them. The blessing is the giving. But come on, if this happened to you, and happened more than once, what would you think, or feel?

6 comments:

Dr.John said...

I would add them to my nightly prayer list because they have problems. They don't know how to receive a gift and they don't know how to act when they get one. But they are not your problem. You did your thing. You gave the gift. After that it's all them. Don't let them pull you into there unhapoy nasty world. Just pray for them.

Melli said...

GO Dr. J! I agree. At first I thought, well, if I were being offered a gift that I really REALLY didn't want, MAYBE it would be okay to turn it down - explaining the reason -- you know - if someone was giving me a canned HAM and I was a vegetarian or something... But then to turn around later and ASK for the gift... that is very weird! So... I agree with YOU that this is NOT normal behavior - and perhaps not even REALLY acceptable behavior --- except that who are WE to judge? Don't judge. Let God judge. IF you had already given the gift to someone else, you could have said "oops... sorry. I know longer HAVE the gift... " ... but since you did have it, I think giving it was the absolutely RIGHT thing to do. And if she LATER behaved DISgracefully about it, then that is her problem and I think other's will recognize it as such... sour grapes so to speak. But even THAT is of no matter to you... God knows where YOU were at and what was in YOUR heart. THAT is what matters! So... yea. If you feel a need to do or say anything about it, I would say it to the Lord!

KathyB. said...

Oh my goodness, can I have the gifts you gave them ? I like it when I am on the receiving end of your gifts Lanny...you are one great gift picker outer and giver !

I say they are rude and although I know your philosophy is that when you give a gift it is theirs to use , abuse, whatever, they are in your face with rudeness.

My response to myself would be, no more gifts to them, and I will not comment on their rudeness, I will be gracious...but again , no more gifts to them. ( I will give them to Kathy) Ha ha, KathyB.

Kendrawolf said...

I'm with Kathy. I would pray for them, but I don't think I could give another gift with the right motive in my heart.

Quilldancer said...

Was this my niece by any chance? Sounds like the way she would behave.

Gift etiquette -- if a gift is offered is it is given in love and should be accepted as such. Even if you do not want it you accept it gracefully UNLESS you can give a justifiable reason for turning it down (see Melli's comment, above). Other than that, I think our wonderful Dr. John has it right.

You gave in the spirit of love. Let is go with prayer. However, there is nothing saying you are obligated, ever, to offer them another gift. Bring flowers or something perishable.

CaroltheRose said...

Is this you wondering how god feels when he gives you a gift and you dont want it, and then you ask for it back when it seems to slip away from you like you asked?